Unlike me.

This is very unlike me but check this out anyway.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hOREkPq1aVQ

random

I know it has been a while.

There are many times when I randomly have the impulse to write. And to just keep on writing. It it how I have kept my sanity for so many years. Lately, I have not been writing much. It is indeed a sad thing. Regardless of whether I end up sharing my thoughts or not, writing provided me with an outlet, a positive method to channel my emotions and to help me figure my thoughts out.

Not writing has resulted in so many terrible decisions. This is no exaggeration, I can assure you. Thus, I've decided to actually make it a point to write. To help me re-cultivate this habit, I'm going to carry a pen and a piece of paper every where I go.

I have a lot on my mind but none of which I am ready to share or put into words.

Till next time.

A not-so-confused Malaysian.

I have been relaxing, not doing much after my final exams of my degree. It feels like I have not much to worry about. Then, I woke up this morning and I read an article on the Internet. On The Malaysian Insider, to be precise (click here to read it). And boy was I disheartened. Yes, the writer is merely expressing his view, his opinion but I still felt like it was a blow to my dreams that one day, the people of Malaysia will be free to pursue their dreams and ambitions with no race or religious barriers.

I went to a Convent school and I had friends from all races. To be honest, we never really noticed the difference. That is, until it came to the time when we had to enter a debate competition and the teacher told us that only two of us will get a place on the team and the other debater has to be a Malay girl. We were puzzled and being the inquisitive students that we were, we asked our teacher why? She said, "That is just how things work, that is the rule". Rule? What rule? Why must it be compulsory to have one Malay in an English debate team but no rule that a non-malay has to be on the Bahasa Melayu debate team? As we moved up the forms, the preferential treatment became more and more prevalent. For example, there must always be a Malay student in the top two positions on the prefects board. How come this privilege does not extend to the non-Malays? Let us not delve into the issue of transparency when scholarships are given out.

The writer says that since young, he has been taught that in the Muslim religion, one should spread the beauty of the religion. I have nothing against that at all for I believe, all religion is beautiful but it is the people who practise them that taint it. Again, I ask, with all the so-called speech of freedom of religion, how is it that one is allowed to convert into the Muslim religion but converting out is hell? These are some of the questions I have had for so many years and I have yet to be given a satisfactory answer. At the same time, I do not believe that people of other races should be given an advantage. I think we should all be treated equally.

I was rather taken aback when I read that the writer believes that Malaysia should be led by not only a Bumiputera but a Muslim Bumiputera. I suppose, I have no right to question his opinion as it is his own. So, I will share my personal opinion here. I beg to differ. I yearn for the day when Malaysia will be matured enough to accept that it does not matter what gender, race or religion one is, as long as the person is qualified, has Malaysia's best interest at heart and most importantly is MALAYSIAN to lead this beautiful country.

I want to take a step forward in realising that dream. I am not Malaysian Indian, Malaysian Chinese, Malaysian Sikh, Malaysian Malay, etc. I am Malaysian and nothing else. Just saying.

Wishful thinking.

If they don't know how to value you, let them go. It is much better to lose someone who doesn't care about you compared to feeling stupid all the time for even caring in the first place.

A wise man once said, “You can have anything in life, if you will sacrifice everything else for it.” What he meant is, nothing comes without a price. So, before you go into battle, you better decide how much you’re willing to lose. Too often, going after what feels good, means letting go of what you know is right. And letting someone in, means abandoning the walls you’ve spent a lifetime building. Of course, the toughest sacrifices are the ones we don’t see coming. When we don’t have time to come up with a strategy, to pick a side or to measure the potential loss. When that happens, when the battle chooses us, and not the other way around, that’s when the sacrifice can turn out to be more than we can bear.

Sometimes we feel like nothing we give is ever enough. Sometimes we feel like the end does not justify the means. Sometimes we simply ask the question, why?

We all wish to be loved, to be cared for, to be wanted, to mean something to someone.

Maybe we should stop wishing and actually do something to make it happen. We all have choices. It is just the matter of making the right ones.

ramblings.

Here I am on the sofa, staring at my notes but who am I kidding? Nothing is actually going in. My headphones are on and Adele's Someone Like You is playing. As I sing along to the words in my head, I sense a whirlpool of emotions. A whirlpool so strong that I cannot help but be sucked in. And I reflect.

Why am I here? What got me to where I am today? What if I had made different choices? What if I had known then what I know now? Would I have done the same things over again? Would I have made the same choices?

The choices I made then have moulded the person I am now. My strengths, my weaknesses, the lessons I have learnt, the people I have lost, the ones I have gained, etc..

I am afraid of what the future holds but at the same time, I am excited. I want to achieve things. I want to surprise people, surprise myself. I want to see how far I can push the boundaries. How far I can go.

One of my biggest fears? The fear of being forgotten. I want to be somebody. Not necessarily someone important to the world but I want to be important to the people that matter. The people that matter to me. I am lucky for I have such amazing role models to look up to. People who have impacted me in a positive manner. As for the ones who have hurt me, I have learnt not to do to anyone else, what they have done to me. I have made horrid mistakes myself. I saw the hurt I caused. And I have since been working towards never repeating such things again.

We grow and learn every single day of our lives. We learn from our own mistakes as well as from our observations. I know that I am not the same person I was a couple of years ago. That is normal and is to be expected. I hope that the change has been a good one. I hope that it is for the better.

I wish nothing but the best for everyone out there. We're all struggling to survive. We live but only once. Let's fill it with laughter, joy and wonderful memories. Let us not dwell on the bad but instead spread happy thoughts. As sappy and clichéd as it sounds, it is true.

It is during our darkest hours that we must reach deep within us and find the strength to pull through. Not only for ourselves but also for the people who we care about and the ones who love us.

I refuse to allow myself to wallow in sadness. I know that this is such a sombre entry but I needed an outlet to vent. To put my thoughts into words. I will be honest, this was not what I had planned to write initially but I have reservations about opening up so much, hence this entry. You understand, don't you? :)

Just a thought.

When you build walls, the thicker the better. That way, you don't get hurt. :)

Cuando Me Enamoro

For you:

When I'm Falling In Love

If I could get star from sky for you
I would do it twice
And only because I love you
I would reach to any planet

And If feeling be broken
I would become sailer near with island of your desires
Your desires

But inside of myself
I understand that I can't do it
And sometimes I lose myself

When I'm falling in love
Sometimes I'm despair, when I'm falling in love
When I least expect it, I'm falling in love
Time stops
And soul comes to my body
I smiling, when I falling in love

If moon be your award
I swear, I'd do everything to get it
And be yours

If you hear my cries in your dreams
Wake up, it's reality
It's not dream, not
And I glad that always come moment...

When I'm falling in love
Sometimes I'm despair, when I'm falling in love
When I least expect it, I'm falling in love
Time stops
And soul comes to my body
I smiling, when I falling in love

:)

The thought of this made me smile.

And I want to hold your hand in mine as we stroll along the beach in our flipflops.

Talking, laughing and giggling.

We walk as we watch the sunset.

I'd like that.