Yal and I got talking while the walrus a.k.a whale a.k.a sea lion, Dal, slept.
We talked about how things are in terms of our personal life.
About studies and choices of subjects.
About our choices of coming to the UK to continue our studies.
About how that choice has affected relationships of us and people around us.
About how much we've changed and in what way.
About how we deal with heartbreaks.
About how we learn to trust, to let go, to love, to ignore, to love ourselves, to not expect too much. . . you get my point.
Looking at it from two different perspectives is such an enlightening experience. Since coming here, I've had my heart broken and I've moved on. She's had her heart broken and is in the final stages of moving on. Two situations but yet we looked at things similarly.
One of the most important things that I have learnt since coming here is that I am worth it and I deserve someone equally as good or better. I never have to settle for anything less. I love myself so much more now. I have more confidence.
I guess it also has something to do with the fact that I have amazing friends around me who constantly remind me that I am awesome. Well, I may not be but if I am so to them, then that is all that matters.
My friends back in Malaysia actually miss me and wish I was back there with them. It may seem like a small thing but believe me, it matters a lot. It puts a smile on my face, thinking about them. :)
I miss my mom so much more. We've become so much closer now. I really value that and I don't ever want to lose it. I share almost everything with her. There is something I would really, really like to tell her but the problem is even I myself am not sure and I also don't want to hurt her. Once I have that sorted out, I will speak to her. :)
I would like to think that my relationship with my sister has improved as well. I still worry about her but I cannot help it because she will always be my baby sister always and forever, whether she likes it or not. I know she's all grown up now. I am sure she will make matured decisions in everything she does.
Knowing all these has given me confidence beyond what I have ever had before. I DON'T have to wear low cut tops, dresses or skirts which are too short, take a million compromising pictures of myself and such to get attention. I have the attention I need from people who matter.
It is amazing how different things are when you are looking from outside the circle (if you know what I mean). So much drama happening and I used to get sucked in. Now, over my dead body! :) I like living like how I am doing now. I don't need other people messing it up for me. Some people are just not worth my time.
All in all, I miss Malaysia to bits but I am grateful for the fact that I am given such a wonderful opportunity to study abroad and I am going to learn as much as I can from the time I am given.
I may not sound like the same person you used to know. I am still Lei. Just better now. Yes, to some, this post may sound very self-righteous or that I think too highly of myself. To be honest, I'm not all that bad. Get to know me. Who knows, you may like what you discover. =)
As they say it here, CHEERS! :D
