ramblings.

Here I am on the sofa, staring at my notes but who am I kidding? Nothing is actually going in. My headphones are on and Adele's Someone Like You is playing. As I sing along to the words in my head, I sense a whirlpool of emotions. A whirlpool so strong that I cannot help but be sucked in. And I reflect.

Why am I here? What got me to where I am today? What if I had made different choices? What if I had known then what I know now? Would I have done the same things over again? Would I have made the same choices?

The choices I made then have moulded the person I am now. My strengths, my weaknesses, the lessons I have learnt, the people I have lost, the ones I have gained, etc..

I am afraid of what the future holds but at the same time, I am excited. I want to achieve things. I want to surprise people, surprise myself. I want to see how far I can push the boundaries. How far I can go.

One of my biggest fears? The fear of being forgotten. I want to be somebody. Not necessarily someone important to the world but I want to be important to the people that matter. The people that matter to me. I am lucky for I have such amazing role models to look up to. People who have impacted me in a positive manner. As for the ones who have hurt me, I have learnt not to do to anyone else, what they have done to me. I have made horrid mistakes myself. I saw the hurt I caused. And I have since been working towards never repeating such things again.

We grow and learn every single day of our lives. We learn from our own mistakes as well as from our observations. I know that I am not the same person I was a couple of years ago. That is normal and is to be expected. I hope that the change has been a good one. I hope that it is for the better.

I wish nothing but the best for everyone out there. We're all struggling to survive. We live but only once. Let's fill it with laughter, joy and wonderful memories. Let us not dwell on the bad but instead spread happy thoughts. As sappy and clichéd as it sounds, it is true.

It is during our darkest hours that we must reach deep within us and find the strength to pull through. Not only for ourselves but also for the people who we care about and the ones who love us.

I refuse to allow myself to wallow in sadness. I know that this is such a sombre entry but I needed an outlet to vent. To put my thoughts into words. I will be honest, this was not what I had planned to write initially but I have reservations about opening up so much, hence this entry. You understand, don't you? :)